Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
