we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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