Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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