how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
