Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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