redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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