She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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