three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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