i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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