I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
