we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
