He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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