Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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