your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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