Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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