Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
