so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
