her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
