Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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