We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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