dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
