Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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