I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Alive.
So much puke
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
