When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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