i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
