i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
