ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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