we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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