i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
