i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
