I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
