he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
