It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
