I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have fence marks all over my body
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