trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
