So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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