yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
