Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
