i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
