he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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