New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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