My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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