yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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