So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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