Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
