I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
