Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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