we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
