Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
