Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
