Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
