I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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