Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
