I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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