I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
